MrFreeze - It's been five years now since my daughter was violently murdered in her dorm room. I can't tell you how many times I've blamed myself for one thing or another believing I could have prevented it. It's taken so long to come to know nothing I could have done would have saved her. I live to honnor her and press on in a positive action on her behalf.
It truly was someones free will to choose to do it. It wasn't Gods will, my will or even hers. A young man without respect for life did it.
The pain you feel and re-live daily is very real. Process your loss every day until it becomes easier to wake up, eat breakfast and live like you're suppose to.
Please for goodness sake, continue to open your mind, your eyes and your heart to a life without the JW bondage. The freedom without is amazing and renewing.
Take all the time you need to process every one of your life losses. Do it right.
CSG